White Lies: Yay or Nay?

I think about lying a lot. More than I should, I'm sure. I don't really know why lying, even very minor infractions, bothers me so much, but it really does. Despite knowing people who can slip a fib out without a second thought, I take my tales really seriously and really have moral and karmic stuff I go through when faced with situations where a lie would save my ass. So, when it comes to one of those "hurt my friend's feelings and tell her that, actually, I do think her cousin is an insufferable douchebag" or "get out of it somehow and avoid any bad mojo between us" it's a tough call, but it's also kind of fascinating to me.

We know the white lie is permitted, halachally. It's an untruth or partial truth without any negative intention attached to it. Yes. Right.

We read the story in our Torah about even HaShem delivering a white lie, in conveying Sarah's reaction to the news that she'd be a mother at her advanced age, all to preserve the shalom bayit, the peace of home, between Sarah and Abraham. Yes. And, we know that in many cases, a white lie is even required of us.

In the Talmud, when Rabbi Eliezer was busted when the Man thought he was a heretic, he saved his butt with a kind of white lie I rather admire people with the ability to whip out: Doublespeak. (Babylonian Talmud, Avodah Zarah 16b-17a). When asked how he could occupy himself with such foolishness, he said something like, "I acknowledge the Judge as being right". He knew he was referring to HaShem of course, not the judge standing there accusing him of being a heretic, but the judge bought his answer and felt that because Rabbi Eliezer acknowledged his judgment/authority as being right, he was acquitted.

This might be horrible to admit, but I'm telling you, I really have to hand it to people who can pull out that kind of thing. I don't know if I could be so clever under pressure. I was in a situation today that led to just such a moment. Well, not threat of being stoned to death for being a heretic, but a situation that could likely be smoothed out easiest with a white lie.

But, the struggle begins at precisely that point, you see, for on the other side of that thought is the thought that maybe a white lie, or at least too big of a white lie, does more harm than good. Could it be that it has the potential to enable a person or condone their behavior rather than at least planting the seed of thought that they aren't the most polite, reasonable, etc. Or, that perhaps the white lie told is too easy of an out and by relying on it, we are somehow diminishing ourselves, or not fully standing up for what we believe in or cannot tolerate? And, if that's the case, what about the internal sense of peacefulness– meaning, if we lie to spare feelings or to get out of a situation without any trouble, are we really creating peace or are we simply saying that making a situation with another person peaceful is more important than our own peace of mind and self-care?

It's a fine line, I suppose, and a line we can only set for ourselves based on our own conscience and comfort levels. Naturally, this wouldn't and couldn't apply to every white lie, but it wouldn't hurt to check in with yourself the next time you're popping off a little white lie and think about why you're really telling it. Because while we defined a white lie as a lie or a half-lie without any negative intention attached to it, it's worth remembering that applies to ourselves just as much as the people around us.