Today’s piece of FFJD advice is in response to a post a while back from a girl who felt that her lack of experience down South would maybe be a deterrent for potential suitors. This time, it’s a guy, asking nearly the same thing. I offer my own FFJD professional advice, and then I mass-emailed some girlfriends:
Dear FFJD,
Recently, you had a post that answered a question from a virgin girl who was concerned that her lack of experience would chase away her male suitors when it came time to hit the sack. Although I am not a virgin, my experience is somewhat limited, and there have been a few occasions where everything seems to go right, my date and eye make it into the bedroom, and once we move past oral (where I’m actually pretty good), I can kind of tell that she isn’t very enthused by what I’m doing. Whether it’s a comment like “you can f@#% me as hard as you want” or a few subtler, but still awkward moments during sex, I’m left with the impression that I have not pleased her and have not held up my end of the bargain. Needless to say, these relationships fizzle out soon after the girls see how clueless I am.
What I’d like to know is this: As a guy, is it taboo to admit to a girl (probably right before things get very physical) that I haven’t had sex all that many times, or that I’d really like for her to guide me or show me what she likes? Thanks for your help.
— Jew Kid on the Block
Me: Here’s what I would say – It’s a straight-up double standard. It’s one of those situations where it is less accepted for a guy to admit that he is not as experienced as it is for a girl. Guys get pressure to lead in situations like this, and to know what they’re doing. If I were you, JKOTB, I’d not discuss the fact you feel inexperienced, because that will just draw more attention to it. Instead, as this girl to tell you what she likes. Most girls would like that opportunity. Now let’s see what some of my less-busy-at-work friends had to say:
FFJD-er 1: Sucks for the little lebowski.
But no, never make excuses that he hasn’t had that much experience, it only will make any bad sex worse. He’s prob built it up so much in his head that he imagines half of it and is paranoid….on the flip side def ask her what she likes! Pleasant surprise.
FFJD-er 2: HELL NO he shouldn’t say that he’s inexperienced. It’s as off-putting as a woman saying she IS super experienced. But it is ok for him to tell a girl that she should feel free to tell him what he wants in bed.
FFJD-er 3: Agreed that he shouldn’t say he’s inexperienced, but should say he wants her to tell him what she likes or guide him. Also tell him from my experience and observation of friends it is not the norm to end every sexual encounter sexually satisfied. Its really hard to please girls.
And if the girls aren’t coming back to him its probably something else (unless the sex realllly sux).
And there you have it. What do you think?
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Email meredith@theffjd.com
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