Attention, Lovers of Schmidt: now is your chance to win a date (OK, a day) with Max Greenfield! The New Girl actor (and perennial Jewcy fave) is offering potential wives fans an opportunity hang out, work out, and visit the New Girl set in L.A. All you gotta do is make a donation to Chrysalis, a nonprofit dedicated to breaking the poverty cycle “by providing homeless and low-income individuals with a chance to rebuild their lives through employment,” and you’ll enter the draw to win.

The contest is being run through Omaze, which is sort of like Kickstarter for do-gooding celebrities. (Earlier this year, J.J. Abrams offered a fan a walk-on role in Star Wars: Episode VII; right now you can enter the draw to win a backstage hang with Bono, which sounds more like a punishment than a prize to me, but I guess it’s all for a good cause?) Anyway, there’s a variety of prizes for different levels of Schmidt-inspired giving, including SWEAT BANDS (yes), “We Built this Schmidty” apparel, and—for a cool $25,000—lunch with the man himself.

May the Schmidt be with you.

(Photo by Jason LaVeris/Getty)

Related: Network Jews: Schmidt from ‘New Girl’
Watch Schmidt Recite The Shema On Fox’s ‘New Girl’

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The Senate has reached a bipartisan fiscal deal, but we at Jewcy are doing what we do best— watching TV so that you don’t have to, leaving you time to catch up on the debt ceiling news.

What’s with the Jews taking over TV? Last week a yarmulka graced the small screen, meant to be ignored, which we over at Jewcy took as ample evidence that Jews were ubiquitous enough to be invisible—the sign of having truly made it in Hollywood. But on this week’s episode of New Girl, further evidence for our thesis—that being in with the Jews or in on the Jewish joke is a new kind of standard—came to light.

Tuesday night’s episode, “The Box,” could have been called “Jews and Money”, though the writers/producers/directors cleverly separated the two plot lines into “Jews” and “Money” and allowed Nick Miller (not a Jew) to handle the money end of things. But it’s the other plotline that interests us: after being discovered to be dating two women at once, Schmidt (Max Greenfield), the explicitly Jewish character, is worried that he isn’t a good person. We find him lying on a couch, earnestly running through a list of his symptoms (“I can’t sleep. My tweets have been extremely literal.”) to…camera pan out… his rabbi—ba-dum ching! While complaining to a rabbi like a therapist has become a staple of post-Coen brothers humor (“Were the girls Jewish?” the rabbi asks), what follows feels like new territory. The rabbi (Jon Lovitz) suggests that Schmidt seems “awfully concerned” with himself, and that he might try thinking of the needs of others. Lo and behold, on the street outside the synagogue, Schmidt saves a bike messenger from choking on a piece of gum.

“You saved my life, dude,” the bike messenger says, or something of that genre.

Schmidt, jubilant, stands up, and begins to recite, as Romy Zipken called it aptly, “the most boastful Shema you’ll ever hear.” And here’s the kicker: Schmidt gets the Shema all wrong. He mispronounces it— “Shema Yisroel Adonay EloCheiynu,” he proudly shouts, Jewing up one of the Jewiest utterances, second only to “Auf Mir Gesugt!” He also says it at the most inappropriate of all times. Shema is famously recited when someone is about to die, not when someone is saved, and surely, not when someone has just saved someone else. His pride, as Zipken points out, is another thing that makes the scene absurd. In other words, this is Shema camp, but astoundingly, the joke is on Schmidt. The writers (or perhaps this was Greenfield’s genius) must have assumed that their viewers would be canny to all the ways that Schmidt gets the Shema wrong. They are in on the joke; otherwise, the joke doesn’t work.

The next scene carries on the same vein. Schmidt encounters Nick in a bar, and greets him with the hilarious, “Nicholas! Gut Yontif! Are you well?” This greeting, like Schmidt’s Shema, is only funny if you are in the know. Even viewers who might not know what exactly Gut Yontif means, know that it is not an appropriate salutation on any old day in a bar. The writers are directing these jokes at a crowd who is in the know, who knows more about Jewish culture than Schmidt, the Jewish character. Schmidt importunes Nick to try giving “charity—or tzedakah as my people call it” and Nick begins to call tzedakah “tzaziki,” which is hilarious, again, because the word tzedakah is familiar enough to the viewers that they will hear the joke, recognize the infelicity. Imagine a similar joke being made with the word Kwanzaa. The resounding “ew” you just heard in your mind is the difference between having made it in American media and not having made it.

(Photo by Jason LaVeris/Getty)

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On Tuesday night’s episode of New Girl, Schmidt (Max Greenfield) tries to redeem his recent bad behavior. After his concurrent relationships with Cece (Hannah Simone) and Elizabeth (Merritt Wever) come to a dramatic end, Schmidt works on himself, trying to prove to everyone around him that he’s a good person. He even saves a man’s life who was eating while riding a bike (badass). Schmidt successfully performs the Heimlich maneuver and as the biker rolls around on the ground grunting, Schmidt recites the most boastful, most wonderful Shema you’ll ever hear.

Watch the episode on Fox or Hulu and let us know what you think.

(Photo by Jason LaVeris/Getty)

The post Watch Schmidt Recite The Shema On Fox’s ‘New Girl’ appeared first on Jewcy.

Max Greenfield, the man behind New Girl’s Schmidt, stopped by Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night and, naturally, talked about his mother and his bar mitzvah.

He called his mother right away when he found out he got nominated for an Emmy, and her response was “You’re nominated against SAUL?” He imagines her spitting out her Nespresso coffee (“They just got a machine, they’re very excited about it”) when he listed the rest of the nominees.

Fallon also showed pictures from Greenfield’s Saturday Night Live-themed bar mitzvah, which we’ve heard about several times before. SNL people, just let the guy host already—please?

Previously: Network Jews: Schmidt from ‘New Girl’

(Photo by Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images)

The post Max Greenfield Tells Jimmy Fallon About His Mom and His Bar Mitzvah appeared first on Jewcy.

Rachel Berry moved to New York and we stopped watching, Annie Edison and the rest of Community was pushed to 2013 (though that didn’t stop us from getting our Alison Brie fill in other ways, and we’re still confused about how we feel about Shosh (but not Zosia, never Zosia) making 2012 very much the year of men for our Network Jews series (with sincere apologies to Hanna Rosin).

While there were many worthy candidates, here are the Top 5:

1. Schmidt:

Our first Network Jew is also our favorite. While we remain mixed about the merits of New Girl (even if it did lead to this) we can always rely on the real star of the show: Schmidt. He may have started out as a douchebag, but somewhere along the line he’s become, as Willa Paskin dubbed him, an “aspirational douchebag”—somehow going from disgusting to endearing.

Of course a major part of all this is his Jewishness. But perhaps the best part is that the actor who plays him, Max Greenfield, is up for anything, whether it’s dressing up as a Jewish Assassin or making in-character spin videos. Let’s just hope he stops guest–editing GOOP.

2. Saul Berenson:

Dov Friedman called Mandy Patinkin’s turn as the CIA Middle East division chief “the most accurate depiction of an American Jewish identity ever portrayed on television.” And for good reason. Homeland finished off it’s second season [spoiler alert] with Saul saying kaddish yet again as David Estes and a whole bunch of other characters were blown to smithereens. It isn’t just Claire Danes who thinks of challah (or was it holla?) when she sees our favorite bearded CIA agent. Just watch this video.

OK, we may be getting distracted, we’re talking about Berenson, not Patinkin, though it can be difficult to separate the two. Inspired by the Israeli show—and some would say superior—Hatufim, there’s at least one place where there’s no competition: the character of older, wiser intelligence officer. We only hope that in Season 3 they figure out some way to let him sing.

3. Max Blum:

Probably the most underrated show on this list, Happy Endings’ six-person ensemble is held together by Max Blum. I know, I know. We just talked about how great Schmidt is, and here we’re saying that Happy Endings’ anti-Schmidt is also our favorite. You know what, we can have our cake and eat it too … with Max, while listening to Mandona.

The pop culture-obsessed sarcastic slob of a gay best friend is everything you’d want in a pop-culture obsessed sarcastic slob of a gay best friend. Don’t just take our word for it, Emily Nussbaum thinks the man who brought us Boyz II Menorah is Amahzing too.

4. Eli Gold:

The Good Wife may have started out as an Eliot Sptizer-style, ripped from the headlines, procedural-style show, and it might still be that, but somehow it rises above. While there’s lots to say about the shows women, and even Jewcy favorite Josh Charles, the biggest surprise has to be Alan Cumming’s Jewish turn as Eli Gold.

As Abe Fried-Tanzer wrote, “It’s no coincidence that Gold has been compared to a real-life famous Jew with a similar profession. Rahm Emanuel, former Chief of Staff for President Obama … has quite a reputation for winning at all costs, and Gold has managed to earn that same status in what could easily have been (and originally was) merely a guest-starring role. Gold may reinforce the stereotype of Jews wanting all the power, but he’s definitely someone you’d want on your side.”

5. Ruxin:

There’s no getting around it: Nick Kroll’s Ruxin is a self-assured asshole. (In one episode, Ruxin defends a paint company whose cans explode by arguing that anyone buying such a cheap item should have “a reasonable expectation that that product will explode in your face.” “And, morally, you’re good with this?” asks his friend, Pete. “There was just one word in there that I am not familiar with,” Ruxin responds.) But, for Sala Levin, this is all the more reason to love him—and love him we do!

After all, “A man who coasts through life on his assimilated rudeness but maintains some iota of his people’s historical dread is, after all, every girl’s dream.”

The post The Best of Network Jews 2012 appeared first on Jewcy.

This might be the best thing to happen to New Girl since Zombie Woody Allen. Meet Muriel Rosenberg, the crotchety star of Old Girl, who leaves her dentures in Schmidt’s bathroom cup, makes Nick cover for her rent because she didn’t get her Social Security check, and asks Winston to bring over her hemorrhoid pillow.

We love you, Muriel. We also love Muriel’s friend Zelda Weiner, who ends up with a little Schmidt on her face:

Previously: Network Jews: Schmidt from New Girl

The post ‘New Girl’ Gets an Elderly Jewish Makeover in Parody Video ‘Old Girl’ appeared first on Jewcy.

Max Greenfield, the actor who plays Zooey Deschanel’s lovably high-strung, high-maintainence roommate Schmidt on New Girl, might have to throw some cash in Schmidt’s douche jar for this one. He chronicled his Emmy Awards prep (Schmidt got a well-deserved best supporting actor nod) for Gwyneth Paltrow’s uber-blog, goop, in a post called “A Man of Great Tom Ford-itude.”

Last time he did this to us, we weighed the pros and cons of Schmidt-by-goop. Conclusion: Real-life Schmidt, still endearing. If you want to maintain that image of Greenfield, stick to these key time-stamped moments:

6:30 a.m.: My daughter wakes me up. She has no clue what the Emmys are. She wants a waffle.

Disregard 12:15 p.m. entirely. I repeat: Disregard 12:15 p.m. Fine: Before we get into the limo I watch a YouTube video of Gwyneth Paltrow winning the Oscar for her performance in Shakespeare in Love to remind me what grace looks like. :)

1:30 p.m.: My limo driver Danny tells me that he’s never seen the show before but thinks that I will win. It’s nice to know that Danny has more faith in me than my mother.

5:09 p.m. – 8 p.m.: Blah, Blah, Homeland, Blah, Blah, I MEET BILL HADER! Blah, Blah, Blah the show ends.

12:20 a.m.: We return home. My wife and I reflect on what was an incredible evening and how lucky we were to have been a part of it.

Aw, Schmidt!

Max Greenfield’s Emmy Experience [goop] Previously: New Girl’s Max Greenfield Guest Edits Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow’s Newsletter
Network Jews: Schmidt from New Girl

The post New Girl’s Max Greenfield Guest-Editing Gwyneth Paltrow’s Blog Goop Again appeared first on Jewcy.

• Boca Raton is now home to billboards that read, “Obama… Oy Vey,” thanks to Sheldon Adelson. Stay classy, Palm Beach County.

• Why should you watch the New Girl premiere? Because Schmidt dresses up as a Jewish assassin.

• Claire Danes’ Homeland character, Carrie Mathison, really needs a better name.

• A 1927 New Yorker cartoon captioned ‘Yom Kippur’ depicts completely empty streets near the Flatiron building. Vintage LOLz!

• When a Jew dressed as a vicar helped a lesbian couple after a car accident in England.

• Joan Rivers’ makeup philosophy? “If I can’t hide it, decorate it. (There may be a Christmas ball hanging off my nose.)”

The post Daily Jewce: Boca’s Anti-Obama Billboards, Schmidt the Jewish Assassin appeared first on Jewcy.

• Rachel Shukert on the lessons of Yom Kippur…and Chatroulette?

• Max Greenfield, aka New Girl’s Schmidt, has been “trying to insert my neurotic Judaism into this show since day one.”

• The Times of Israel talked to female Mossad agents about what they will and will not do to advance a mission. Example: “We flirt, but the line is drawn at sex.”

• Vanessa Redgrave has signed on to play Jesse Eisenberg’s cousin, a Polish Holocaust survivor, in Eisenberg’s latest play, The Revisionist.

• Jake Gyllenhaal got tased in preparation for his new police film, End of Watch.

• Watch Mel Brooks cursing at Jerry Seinfeld:

The post Daily Jewce: Female Mossad Agents Talk Flirting; Watch Mel Brooks Cursing appeared first on Jewcy.

VIRGO (AUGUST 21-SEPTEMBER 20): An einredenish iz erger vi a krenk: An imaginary illness is worse than a real one.

Practical, dependable, modest, graceful and extremely reserved, Virgo is characterized by the Virgin Maiden, as well as the bird (like all mutable signs, Virgo is “double-bodied”—adaptable and dualistic). As such, your powers of eloquence, composure, precision and tact are to be lauded. However, you are often overly-critical and can strain yourself with your vigilance and inflexiblity—you work hard so that your calm exterior never betrays your anxious interior, and this disconnect can lead to frayed nerves.

Virgos are ruled by the belly and intestines (Kishka). You operate via gut reaction rather than psychic intuition. You thrive when you are solving problems, creating order out of chaos, and otherwise exercising your brain muscles. Your nervousness, however, when unchecked, can lead to hypochondria and extreme anxiety. Obsessed with hygiene and organization, you often bottle up for feelings—feelings are not, after all, very clean and orderly.

With the New Moon in your sign on September 16 (Rosh Hashanah), and a Full (Blue) Moon in Aries on the 30th (Sukkot), and Yom Kippur in between, you may find particular significance in the tashlich ceremony—how very Virgo to systematically cast off your sins to make a clean slate for the New Year!

Famous Virgo Jews: Peter Falk, Leonard Bernstein, Adam Sandler, Alan Dershowitz, Dr. Drew, Gene Simmons, Dorothy Parker (half-Jewish), Sid Caesar, Pink (half-Jewish), Stephen Fry (half-Jewish), Max Greenfield, Lewis Black, Gwyneth Paltrow (half-Jewish)

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 21-OCTOBER 20): It’s healthy to question whether you are getting what you want out of life, but dangerous to assume that the path not taken was the right one. Let life unfold naturally—you’ve been warned!

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 21-NOVEMBER 20): 
Your ruling planet Pluto turns direct on September 18, allowing your subconscious to take a break. Stop ignoring your deepest desires and focusing only on getting through the day, and you’ll gain control of your life (and probably prevent some gray hairs).

SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 21-DECEMBER 20): Resentment can build up, preventing you from seeing things for what they are. The New Year will usher in good tidings, allowing you to see with clarity that the decisions you make in life are what shapes it—and you.

CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 21-JANUARY 20): Capricorns are the Vulcans of the Zodiac. It’s not that you don’t have feelings, but you play your cards too close to your chest, guarding yourself against anything impractical. You’ve got so much going on inside of you that it would be a crime not to express yourself! New Year, New You!

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 21-FEBRUARY 20): Pay extra attention this Yom Kippur—your innate indifference can blind you to your own foibles. Once you open up to the possibility that some of this may be your doing, you’ll be more conscious of how to fix it.

PISCES (FEBRUARY 21-MARCH 20): You adorable luftmensh, you! The retrograde triple threat in the slow moving planets makes your psychic abilities so keen that it may be painful. Use this time to sift through these psychic energies, and you’ll begin to reap what you’ve sown throughout the year.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 20): Rosh Hashanah literally means “the head of the year”—and Aries heads the zodiac in Western astrology. Brandish your shofar and hark the herald! You may be the bold brazen ram, but think about relinquishing some of your control. There’s plenty of time to bemoan a bad fortune once it arrives.

TAURUS (APRIL 21- MAY 20): Surround yourself with people you trust and be direct with what you need from others. They’ll be more willing to help if you know what you want and aren’t afraid to ask for it. True love will come when the time is right. Until it does, remember this: you better work!

GEMINI (MAY 21- JUNE 20): Although Mental Mercury makes you a bit of a macher, you’d better give up on your scheme to harness time. That’s never going to happen. Your versatility and inquisitive nature make you a perfect candidate for embracing the energies of the universe and working with them, not against them.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 20): Sages have said it is unwise to speculate on the unknowable, and for many Cancers this includes other people. You ought to exercise your empathy muscles and cast your sins of dogmatic prejudice into the river of new beginnings—you’ll be surprised by how much others want to include you in their lives.

LEO (JULY 21-AUGUST 20): For this you went to college? Although you may feel you are about to burst from the fear that you’ll never move beyond your current circumstances, it’s time to put up or shut up—tokhis oyfn tish. Big changes this month beseech you to keep your eyes on the prize, you Lucky Leo.

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