It’s difficult trying to atone for 364 days of sins in a mere 24 hours and several hundred words. But here goes.
Over the past year, I’m sorry that I didn’t give more people the benefit of the doubt. I need to make the glass half-full, not half-empty. Too often I simply break the glass and then give it the finger. I need to stop that.
Over the past year, I’m sorry I threw out even a morsel of food. The one thing my late grandparents always stressed was that wasting food is a sin. And, while I eat or wrap up 99% of my meals, the 1% I don’t is inexcusable. Even my dog knows enough not to waste any food – and he’s a Virgo – and you know how bad they are about throwing away things.
Over the past year, I’m sorry I haven’t told my loved ones that I love them. I’m not talking about my wife. That, I do. But I didn’t tell my parents enough. I have this year to change it. Or at least tell them that I "really really really like them a lot."
Over the past year, I’m sorry I’ve walked past a homeless person on the way to the ATM and lied and said I don’t have any money or "Maybe on the way out." The fact is, I always have some money. Unlike my idiot friend, Dave, who only carries credit cards and even puts a chocolate chip cookie at Subway on his Visa card. Carry some cash, Dave! It’s all the rage, these days!
Over the past year, I’m sorry I’ve called people idiots. Not everyone finds the term as endearing as I do.
Over the past year, I’m sorry I’ve bitten my tongue when it comes to animal rights. A woman walking her dog in my neighborhood recently asked me if my dog (who is as mutty-looking as they come) was neutered. I said, "Yes, of course he’s neutered. He’s from the pound. They don’t let you take a dog out of the pound unless they’re fixed." To which she replied, "Oh good. Because I want my dog to have puppies soon." I nodded and walked away. Instead, I wish I had told her that I do animal rescue work and that, unless you’re breeding seeing-eye dogs, the world doesn’t need any more adorable little puppies and your dog isn’t so special and once your dog gets knocked up it’s the same as going into a pound and shooting six or seven dogs and you need to think about the big picture, not your boring, cookie-cutter Maltese’s sex life.
Over the past year, I’m sorry if I’ve yelled at people who I should’ve ignored. And, if I absolutely HAVE to yell, at least a little less bass and a little more treble on my modulation would be nice. Trust me, it’s a lot less scary.
Enjoy your Day of Atonement, everybody!!!!!
Brian Frazer, author of Hyper-Chondriac, is guest blogging on Jewcy, and he’s here all week. Stay tuned.