This week TAL repeats their beloved Prom episode. For an intro, Ira checks in with a young man sharing his feelings about his upcoming prom. The way this kid talks, makes the insecure, neurotic, kool-aid hair dying teen in all of us want to skip prom all over again because all of our real friends are at camp anyway.
Act I tells the story of a Kansas town that’s destroyed by a tornado on prom night. There’s not much to take from this story aside from the lesson that there’s no good excuse to ever be in Kansas.
Act II discuses the notion of Prom with the lady who wrote the Sweet Valley High books, almost all of which, end at prom. She says that prom is the only event that matches a teenager’s expectations of what life should be like. She then admits that she didn’t go to her own prom, yet has written about hundreds.. Now she’s writing more books about the Sweet Valley characters in their 20’s. Where do all these books end? Trader Joe’s?
Act III recycles a mid 90’s episode of “All Things Considered” hosted by a grunge era corduroy-wearing Ira. This act was most enjoyable because frankly, kids were just more likeable in those days: innocently speculating about who Winona Ryder is dating and haplessly singing “Lean On Me,” it made me want to climb through the radio and thank them for electing Bill Clinton.
The final act is a about a Wisconsin town that pulls out all the stops to turn their local high school into an episode of TMZ by making their prom into a television show. Although the kids all talk about how great an idea this is, it’s quite obvious that this is an absolutely terrible thing.
Let’s take this idea a step further. Why not make their 10 year reunion a competition reality show? They could vote off those with the saddest lives until there’s only one left and allow them to hire one of the losers as their servant.
At the end, we hear from a girl who works at the formal wear rental store in the town’s local mall. This girl skips prom and instead, reads Plato. She calls prom, “a beautiful illusion,” and we can almost hear Sarah Vowell’s excitement as she’s found her “in” to this story. Of course, in the end, the smart girl is right and will definitely win the reunion show.
In keeping with my preferred format for the, “Manfatuation” posts it seems only right that I briefly re-live my own prom experiences, for you lovely readers. This American Life is such a fulfilling listen because of how incredibly personal it can get. TAL takes the kind of stories that are the basis for the types of scenarios we see on TV everyday, real stories, and it delves into the meat of them to find out what they truly mean to the people that lived them.
I took a girl named Lauren to my prom. Lauren was a rather interesting character who didn’t fit squarely into any of the high school archetypes and therefore, would not be a character in any Sweet Valley High Book, Degrassi maybe. I remember her as being sporty and involved with extra-curriculars. She certainly wasn’t one to get in trouble in school, but she was also something of a bad ass, able to hang with the worst of the high school troublemakers outside of school grounds, without ever really finding herself stepping in shit. Lauren was also attractive, intelligent, and sexually confident, however, as cocky as I was in my senior year of high school, I asked her to the prom pretty sure that there was no chance of sex in it for me. At the time, I was messing around with several others in my high school and prom presented a sort decision-forcing hurtle in that regard, sort of like how going to the hospital forces you to choose an emergency contact. Taking a friend, helped me to avoid having to ask anyone who thought I owed it to them to do so, and as sexy as Lauren, was, I had little if any intention of trying to get some from her. Now, I can’t say for sure, but I’d venture to guess that Lauren chose me for similar if not exactly the same reasoning. Also, I think both of us found each other aesthetically pleasing and in that sense, we chose each other as prom dates, for the pictures.
Unfortunately, I happened to be in the very beginning stages of boarding the Acela train to hard drugs at the end of my senior year. Hours before prom was to begin, I decided that with prom, being what it was, required appropriate drugs. Considering the occasion, and the gaudiness of it all (I think the word indulgent might of come to mind) coke seemed only apropos. Without time to drive to Asbury Park, where coke was easy to come by, I had to drive to the much closer and smaller, Freehold Township, where only soft serve ice cream was easy to come by. After a few minutes of aimless driving, I ran into a sleazy guy about who used to always play Mortal Kombat II at the mall and knew all the fatalities by heart. He promised me that he could get me the coke if I gave him money. Somewhat seasoned by this point, I told him I’d have to hold onto something of his in order to trust him with my $60. What did he have on him for collateral? A paycheck. A $58 dollar paycheck that he’d just been given, which of course, I couldn’t cash. What did I do? Of Course, I gave him the money and waited with his paycheck. I waited for an hour, and then another and soon, people were arriving at Lauren’s house for pictures, that which influenced our decision to go together in the first place. By the time I gave up, realizing I was out of $60 bucks and the fatality guy wasn’t coming back, I made it to Lauren’s in time to take three pictures, which I still have in my dresser drawer and as expected, they look good. Lauren had a great profile.
I couldn’t tell you a single detail about the actual Prom event. I remember the drugs I eventually ended up getting and taking afterwards, (ecstasy, acid) and I remember the hotel parties near the shore. I remember everyone singing the song “Between Me and You” by Jah Rule and as I remember this, I get douche chills. As I expected, I got no action from Lauren, but there were others. One of the girls I got to know that weekend had a boyfriend who’d recently been thrown in jail for selling PCP and the aftermath of that encounter would follow me around for the summer that followed, but that’s another story. Lets hope that TAL does a “Jailbird Boyfriend” appropriate episode. Being a teenager sucked, and yet somehow, I miss it more than I’d than I’d like to admit. Until next time, I’m Jon Reiss, and may all your selves be centered.
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