This week, Larry finally gets some credit for having a big pair of Jewish balls and I say it’s about time. Everybody has something that they’re great at and for Larry David, it’s making truthful, critical statements in social situations even if it means publicly humiliating another. Oh yeah, he’s also done some TV writing.
This week introduced a very important cultural concept, “Social Assassination,” in which a highly qualified individual is sent out to eradicate a person’s most annoying quirks in public (thereby embracing that person enough to snuff out their quirk completely.)
However, it’s important to mention that the word “assassinate” implies a certain level of importance. Unless you’re in the ALF, one does not “assassinate” a mouse. Therefore, for a social assassination to be legit, the quirk in question must be especially annoying. Let’s see whether Larry’s hits this week were legit.
Larry Vs. Cold Potatoes
I take umbrage here. Not a legitimate assassination. People are complimenting the chef and you choose that moment to mention the temperature of your potatoes? This is that rare occurrence where Larry’s a bit out of line. Perhaps if Funkhouser wasn’t wasting crucial time with the wine, all the food would have been properly hot.
Larry Vs. Funkman
Every aging Jew has the right to rediscover their Jewishness, but don’t delay my meal, don’t keep me from tasting delicious Palestinian chicken, and do not pull a Koufax in the clutch.
Larry Vs. Chocolate Cake
The worst shit ever is when people say things is pseudo-jest. “Do not let me have any of that delicious cake!”
“Okay, I’ll stop ya,” You say in the same I’m just kidding tone.
“No really, I mean it.” At this point. I am a goalie to your fat mouth. I did this with a bag of cocaine once and ended up in a car chase with my friend Kevin who was trying to keep me from my own yayo.
Larry Vs. Lol
I don’t think there’s even a need to comment here. I once let a “brb” slip out in public and almost ended it all right there. If you don’t nip that shit in the bud, what’s next? Rofl?
That’s all about it. This week’s adventure avails Larry the fantasy of nearly every lucid Jew: sex with a beautiful Middle Eastern woman. Larry is turning into a Jewish James Bond. Things are truly looking up! Ahhhh.
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I don’t have time right now to write a lot, but when I returned tomorrow evening, I will explain in depth why I disagree with this article.
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