This week was a trying one in the life of Larry David. Once again it was a Jew Vs. The World episode wherein our brave protagonist took to battle against the worst modern society has to offer in human-to-human interaction.
Larry Vs. Inordinate Affection
Most straight men, when they attempt to imagine gay sex, are able to do so up to a certain point because, lets be honest, gay sex as an abstract notion is basically just like roughhousing without clothes. However, in imagining unmanly intimacy, most get stopped up right around the same point, stubble. The idea for a fully hetero male of his stubble rubbing against another man’s stubble creating a stubble to stubble barrage that looks like the animated re-enactments in those cross action bristle toothbrush commercials, resulting in static electricity or even a rash, it’s too much. Stubble is where the fantasy falls apart. Therefore, when an acquaintance goes right in for cheek-to-cheek contact at first greeting, it’s like, “Why don’t you just slap a dress on me, and we make out?”
Larry Vs. L33t Speak
A large portion of the viewers of last night’s Curb sighed in sad acknowledgment when Larry prophesied that the NY Times would soon be using J’s in their headlines. Last week, Larry fought the good fight against people speaking computer acronyms, and this week he fought smiley face usage by grown ups. Perhaps when Curb goes off the air, Larry’s talents would be best used a comment moderator on Facebook, or perhaps even the internet in its entirety.
Larry Vs. Adult Bullying
Many of us assume the proper way to conduct ourselves when dealing with others, is to treat them how we would expect to be treated. When Larry faced off against Dog over communal kitchen space, he was treated to a crash course in how the other half lives. This was nothing less than adult bullying, some shark-watching, alpha-dog douche trying to assert his dominance over the skinny bald Jew. As a rule, anyone who goes by “Dog” is probably an anti-Semite.
Larry Vs. Social Clichés
Sorry Larry, some cliches exist for a reason, and the one about shitting where you eat is one of them. Larry ends up, at the end of this episode, where so many who’ve challenged the shitting where you eat idiom before him have ended up, eating shit. Perhaps he’d have been better off shitting where he ate in a place where he didn’t actually literally eat.
Before we go, two quick thoughts about Curb. I’m curious to know how the rest of the world feels about Richard Lewis’s outfit. I’m able to merely say “outfit” as a sweeping reference to his wardrobe because it consists of one, creepy, gothic, child molesting preacher from Helmut Lang getup. Does anyone have a defense for the existence of this thing? Is this what getting sober does to a person? Perhaps Jason Diamond’s mens fashion column in The Faster Times can shed light in what exactly this thing is and whether it’s appropriate under any circumstance.
Lastly, I propose a question. Thinking about Curb this morning and the absence of Cheryl so far this season, I realized that Curb may be the only television show that begun with two lead characters as a couple, who got divorced during the midst of the show’s run. If anyone can come up with a series that began with a lead, married couple that got divorced during the series without reuniting by the end, please let us know. Until next week try to abstain for acronyms, smiley faces or unnecessary contact with your fellow man and never give up a cabinet.
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