So, Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden got married on January 5, which is very nice. (Yes, I had no idea they even knew each other, either.) But what makes this celebrity wedding different from all other celebrity weddings? It was a Jewish ceremony, despite the fact that neither the bride nor the groom are members of the tribe.
According to Us Weekly, the ceremony was conducted underneath a chuppah, and culminated with the traditional breaking of the glass, plus a little sojourn in a yichud room—a super-authentic, inside-baseball touch if ever there was one. (I’ve gotta say, I’m impressed.) No-one seems to know exactly why Diaz and Madden decided to do the Jewish thing on their big day, but there’s a good chance their Israeli wedding planner had something to do with it.
But, seriously, why start at the chuppah and stop at the yichud room? There’s so much more Jewish ritual and symbolism to be had: Pre-marital mikveh dunks! Bedekens! Customized bentschers! Sheva brachot led by, I don’t know, John Legend! (We know he’s down for a bat mitzvah.) If you’re going to appropriate another culture, you might as well go all the way, no? Quoth Wham!, “If you’re gonna do it, do it right.”
Memo to Hollywood: next time, I’ll see you at the pareve dessert buffet table. (I know a great caterer, if you need.)