Boiler Room of One’s Own: I’ll See You In San Francisco

Wherein departing investment bankers, arbitrageurs and other assorted pinstripes finally uncork all that latent creativity by getting the fuck out of whatever firm they'd been in for two-plus years. This week's entry features thinning head hair, thickening facial hair and possums. Please send all submissions to Michael Weiss.

Hi everyone, As many of you may or may not know, I have been dating REDACTED for quite some time and today we will elope to Southeast New Jersey to finally consummate our undying love. REDACTED will become a farm hand and I will take up the steamer vacuum once again to become a carpet cleaner as I was the summer before I started college. We plan to raise a family of possums and eventually retire to Panama City Beach, Florida where spring break never ends. I have accomplished so much over the last two years while at REDACTED, namely bench pressing 250lbs 15 times, eating Sherwood's for 19 consecutive meals, growing the most kick-a** mustache north of the Mason Dixon Line, and helping produce the most remarkable Christmas video corporate America has ever seen. There were low times, like weeping softly in the 19th floor bathroom stall (second from the right), and high times like opening the bridge to a conference call, but net net, I learned so much about life. My hair is thinning and my therapy bills are through the roof, but I still have a smile on my face for all my experiences over the last two years. In all seriousness, thank you for your guidance and friendship over the last two years. I have learned more than I ever anticipated, and I wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors. Please keep in touch and by all means contact me when you are San Francisco.