The Inevitable Awkwardness of Book Readings

Since my debut novel hit the shelves in September, I’ve given about thirty public readings. I gave one yesterday, and I’m giving another one tonight (New Yorkers, I’d love to see you there…details at the bottom of this post). Readings can be the best part of publishing a book-fun and social and gratifying. But they can also be the worst. Sometimes, no one comes to them. And reading to a crowd of zero or three or even eight reminds me of the recurring dream I used to have where I was riding a Ferris Wheel, knowing that soon my ride would end and everyone would know the truth: that I was naked.

At one reading, in California, my audience consisted of a smattering of relatives, a counselor from my summer camp (hadn’t seen him since), and some guy who had recently added me on Facebook and commented under one of my photos that he liked my green eyes. Which was flattering. I mean, who doesn’t want her eyes admired by strangers? But it was also creepy because there he was in the flesh, the stranger who liked my eyes and probably hadn’t read my book. And I felt terribly self-conscious because what if, in person, my eyes were less beautiful than he’d anticipated? I didn’t want to disappoint my first and only fan.

At that reading, I fantasized throughout about being struck by lightning. I didn’t want to die. I just wanted to go to the hospital. Something to put an end to the nightmare. I considered faking a seizure.

My book tour has been punctuated by appearances from ex-boyfriends and ex-friends. Once or twice, I’ve noticed children running around as I read (several times) the words "fuck" and "fucking." On a few occasions, someone has approached me with open arms, ready for a hug, and I’ve been unable to match a face with a name. But out of all the awkward moments, nothing has made me feel more awkward than the awkward questions asked during the inevitably awkward Q&A. There are a few questions that pop up repeatedly, and I cringe every time. Someone once told me I need a better game face. Well. Yes. I think I need a better game face. But in the mean time, I’ll just share my discomfort with you. So here they are, the top three book tour questions that make me feel like I’m naked on a Ferris Wheel:

1.     How did you research sex addiction?

2.     How much of yourself did you put into your characters?

3.     How much of the book is autobiographical?

And here are the answers I’ve never given:

1.     How do you think?

2.     They’re all me. They’re all my many personalities.

3.     It’s totally true. I call it fiction, but who are we kidding?

Anyway, if you can restrain yourselves from asking these questions, or even if you can’t, come on out tonight. I’ll be reading with the very talented novelist Karan Mahajan, as part of the Beatrice.com reading series.

The details: The Mercantile Library Center for Fiction, 7:00 p.m. 17 East 47th St., New York, NY

Diana Spechler, author of Who By Fire, is guest blogging on Jewcy, and she’ll be here all week. Stay tuned.