My Torso Envy

I have a confession. I've never wanted to be a dude. Ok, I retract. I have wanted to be a dude in that when I was a teenager and my body morphed into its present state, I fell into a deep, vegetative stupor over not being able to be as good an athlete as I once was. In short, curves of any kind (small as they may be) don't help with speed. And agility was never my strong suit. I got over this eventually. When you're a chubby 13-year-old, you spend your remaining adolescence making up for it. Your young adulthood is therefore spent enjoying the fruits of your increased metabolism and consuming as much junk food as possible, within the constraints of your previous 13-year-old mindset.

Universally, men and women spend so much time thinking about their bodies, but it's the latter of the sexes that usually gets screwed in the long run. After all, our bodies go through so many changes in a lifetime, how could this not be the case?

And yet I can't help but think the one major issue that preoccupies my mental analysis of my body is totally unrelated to all this separate but equal, burning bra jazz. In short, it's where my particular body falls short. Specifically, it's those inches between my chest and my hips (that seem infinitely smaller than the ratio from my hips to my knees) otherwise known as my non-existent torso.

Biologically, men have longer torsos than women. (For a visual comparison, click here.) I also know that it's more "feminine" to have a shorter waist. However, I've always emulated more adrongynous, "Bonnie & Clyde" fashion. Then there's the part of me that fancies Victorian corsets, but even those flatter longer torso gals like Kate Hudson more. H
istorically, Greeks and Romans were obsessed with the torso. Not to mention the French sculptors. So I know I am not alone in my aesthetic curiosity.

I suffer from short waist syndrome (SWS). SWS is further accentuated by a pronounced chest. People who suffer from this are constantly finding ways to elongate their mid-section and inevitably wondering why they will never be able to tuck in a shirt inside a pair of pants. Comparisons with actresses on TV and film are common and leave SWS sufferers with pangs of inadequecy since no one onscreen has a similar body, as the majority of actresses have longer torsos than legs, with the exception of Bette Midler. Midler, coincidentally also has no neck.

So mostly it sucks to be a member of the SWS club. As a Jewish female, I know I am not alone in my plight, yet still I am a tad resentful of my lot, even on a good day.