Other Reasons To Love New York

New York magazine's cover story this week — a litany of reasons to love your favorite major metropolis — struck me as pretty malnourished. I loved the concept, though, and asked my fellow Jewcers to weigh in with their own points of Gothamite pride. Here's what they came up with:

Joey: Because you're a self-loather… Here's why people from Los Angeles, the city of my birth and residence, love N.Y.: Because they've internalized the relentless contempt for L.A. that prevails in the rest of the country. The haters say we have no culture, no community, and that, as Billy Joel said, one square foot of New York pavement has more character than all of Los Angeles. So to self-hating Angelenos, heavy with false consciousness, New York is the anti-Los Angeles. You'll see them alleviate their shame and cultural inferiority complex by proselytizing on behalf of the N.Y. Times over the L.A. Times, and loudly proclaiming their love of New York at least once a week. Not me, though. ¡Arriba L.A.!

Izzy: Because on a Friday night at 1 AM, South Williamsburg is swimming in mink hats. Because every time you go into a restaurant south of 14th Street, they’re playing the Belle and Sebastian song that kept you sane throughout high school. (This is also a valid reason for hating New York.) Because you can learn basic Spanish in less than a month — sooner if you live near a bodega with a litter of adorable, language-barrier-defeating kittens in back. (El gato tiene seis gatitos! El gatito negro y blanco es muy piqueño!) Because even the most obnoxious, shallow, empty-headed dickwads around here are at least pretty intelligent.

Michael: Because New York has the highest per capita rate of beautiful women on the planet. Even if this winter weren't as pathetically mild as it is, no amount of layered clothing would distract from the happy truth that the gentler sex here is possessed with exquisite looks because they're intelligent looks. Forget your bleached, plasticene bimbos out West, your anorexic models stalking the runways of Milan and Paris. Our femmes are seductive where it matters most — in the eyes and mouth. A city of high finance and glossy media had damned well better made a fine art out of communication, and this is how New York women get you to fall in love with them. The wry smile across the crowded subway car, the caustic remark about the fucked-up order at Starbucks. There's an old New Yorker cover featuring Miss America contestants, all states indistinguishable examples of glowing dentition and affect — except New York. She's dark, scowling and all business. Pretty much. Wish they all could be.

Craig: Because of the professionalism. It was early in the summer before 8th grade that I started my first job as a Host in a Lake George restaurant upstate. It was a week later that a disgruntled waiter first asked me if I was an idiot for not knowing where the extra napkins were through nicotine-stained teeth. How my lack of clairvoyance into the whereabouts of a crate of wholesale restaurant supplies reflected on my intellect was beyond me. Throughout all the jobs I held throughout my high school and college years, I learned quickly that while you may’ve been with the company for over a decade, fourteen years with Toys “R” Us does not a “professional” make. It wasn’t until my arrival at the William Morris Agency a year ago that I learned the real difference between age and seniority. In New York, where people are rewarded for their talent and experience (and not necessarily their cashier prowess), even a small town bumpkin can have a voice – provided he’s got something worth saying.

Amy: Because of posers. New Yorkers have amazing style. There’s nothing better than catching someone just sitting on a bench or standing on a street corner in a great outfit in a great pose—someone whose picture you could snap and publish in an ad or a magazine, not just because their outfit is great, but because their stance seems to perfectly define their character. And best of all, it’s usually a character whose life you’d want to try for a day.Because of Nolita. The best place to find posers. And the best neighborhood to shop in if you want clothes no one else will have.