Breaking news on American and Scottish bilateral relations: The country famous for kilts, Scotch whiskey, and Annie Lennox may ask the U.S. to lift a longstanding ban on haggis imports. Why the longstanding ban, you ask? Oh, you know: Just because the Scottish dish traditionally contains offal (pronounced "awful," thank you very much) ingredients which have been linked to BSE (also known as Mad Cow Disease). But lo! Mr. Eugenides generously provided us all with a kosher recipe (minus the sheep's lung) for haggis in today's Tuesday Taste Test. Bon Appetit!
In other strange food news, an illegal matzo factory, which had been operating in the basement of a Brooklyn apartment building, was swiftly shut down when authorities discovered two apparently explosive grain silos used for baking the unleavened and unlawful bread. All of the building's residents were evacuated indefinitely.
London has become the official home of the world's largest fish finger. Need we say more? Meanwhile, the U.K. is introducing mandatory cooking classes for 13 and 14-year-olds in an effort to empower them against the temptations of said fish fingers, and thereby avoid obesity. Brilliant, as they say across the pond.
Finally, the Land of the Rising Sun is entering Kit Kat season, as Japanese high school students take the university entrance exams that will all but decide their futures. They gorge themselves on Kit Kat bars because of a totally random, phonetic coincidence: in Japanese, the phrase "kitto katsu" means "you will surely win." Give me a break!