Steaming Up the Foxholes

As late as 1994, the Pentagon was spending tax dollars to develop a bomb that would turn enemy soldiers gay. I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can add to this that would comedically excel the preceding sentence:

As part of a military effort to develop non-lethal weapons, the proposal suggested, "One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior."

The documents show the Air Force lab asked for $7.5 million to develop such a chemical weapon.

"The Ohio Air Force lab proposed that a bomb be developed that contained a chemical that would cause enemy soliders to become gay, and to have their units break down because all their soldiers became irresistably attractive to one another," Hammond said after reviwing the documents.

"The notion was that a chemical that would probably be pleasant in the human body in low quantities could be identified, and by virtue of either breathing or having their skin exposed to this chemical, the notion was that soliders would become gay," explained Hammond.

"About last night, Sarge."

"Forget it, Private. Pity of war. We all get a little lonely sometimes."

"But Sarge–"

"One more word, soldier, and I'll have you court martialed."

"No law in the land could change the way I feel, Sarge."

"I know, son. I know."