Today’s Jewcy

More makeovers. For those beta testers just joining our program, you’re getting first peak at the look for Jewcy. Until the next one, anyway. We’ve added two new features to our homepage: 1) a Gallery that will showcase “interactive essays,” i.e. the photo slideshows you’re addicted to at nytimes.com and Slate; 2) a new How-do-you-Jew guide to modern religion called Faithhacker, edited by halfsy* virtuoso Laurel Snyder. Please check ‘em out. [* The other half’s Irish Catholic – like me!] [Daily Shvitz]

Star-crossed terrorist lovers. Think Paradise Now, except without the homoerotic overtones and boy-girl. And Old Timey-ier. Oh, and post-9/11 — that whole "recent tragic events" meme: “THE BEASTLY BOMBING | Written and directed by JULIEN NITZBERG | Composed and musically directed by ROGER NEILL | Presented by THE SECRET ORDER OF REVOLUTIONARY OPERETTISTS and THE STEVE ALLEN THEATER at the CENTER FOR INQUIRY–WEST, 4773 Hollywood Blvd., L.A. | Through Nov. 18 | (800) 595-4849 or www.steveallentheater.com” [Events]

New at Jewcy. Zionist assholes: Jeff Koyen of rope-a-pope NY Press fame dissects why Israelis are such pricks, why the Burmese can’t stand them, and and why this is all somehow good for the Jews. [Features]

Don’t call me Monica!: Lauren Grodstein went to France a few years back and was seen by the continentals as a walking synecdoche for full-figured presidential suck-artists. Why the “Jewess” problem still exists, and why it’s wrong – wrong! [First Person]

Hate.com: Patrick Sauer is our first Jewcy Gentile. His mission: to explore white power websites and discover which are convincing enough to make him bite the hand that feeds him – and moves world finance. [Humor]

They fuck you up, your mum and dad: Neal Pollack took his outsize parody of an ego and made it procreate. Now he’s got a kid. Come the questions for the thirtysomething parent: Can you smoke weed and listen to Prince in front of your infant? Is it cool to tie your wee one to a parking meter outside Sol Moscot? Introducing: Alternadad, a column Neal will be writing for Jewcy to answer just such queries. [Advice & Reviews]

Collective prayer: Joey used our internal Wiki device to help improve the Amidah, “the prayer so big and so bad and so central to Jewish liturgy that, shit, we just call it ‘the tefillah’, ‘the prayer’. No elaboration necessary.” He needs help. (No, seriously.) [Wiki]

The World

The Unforgettable W-9: Or whatever they call their tax forms in Eire. Bono talks a big game about reducing global poverty; too bad he won’t pony up some filthy U2 lucre to help the cause. Timothy Noah at Slate: “Six months later, Ireland's finance minister announced a ceiling of $319,000 on tax-free incomes, and six months after that, U2 opened its Amsterdam office. The relocation of U2's music publishing will halve taxes on the band's songwriting royalties, which already reportedly total $286 million. Although Bono has declined to comment on the move, the band's lead guitarist, David ‘the Edge’ Evans, said, ‘Of course we're trying to be tax-efficient. Who doesn't want to be tax-efficient?' Writing in the Observer, Nick Cohen noted that Evans ‘sounded as edgy as a plump accountant in the 19th hole.’” (You know things are bad when they use Edge’s Christian name.) [Slate]

Color-coded civil war: Jewcy isn’t the only one with a shiny new slideshow section: “The slide shows Iraq as moving sharply away from ‘peace,’ an ideal on the far left side of the chart, to a point much closer to the right side of the spectrum, a red zone marked ‘chaos.’” [NYT]

Kerry implodes: “"You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq.’” John Kerry claims he was referring to Bush’s broken policy of regime change, not to academic tail-enders whose only prospect after high school is to serve overseas, apparently. So much for preemption being a worthy cause – and one that Kerry voted for when it made him look preemptively presidential. Not to worry: Always blame the right-wing nut jobs of spin when a pampered Brahmin cretin puts his foot in his mouth. [MyWay via Drudge]

S.O. needs an S. at the end of it: When he found out that “ultimate fighter” Tito Ortiz was going to bring adult film squeeze Jenna Jameson along to rally the troops, a U.S. major emailed Oritz: “There is some serious consternation here about having your girlfriend attend our ball. Of course I, and a lot of Marines, are very excited about it, [but] many of our commanders feel it might be inappropriate for the type of event we are having . . . it is professionally embarrassing for me to have to possibly retract our invitation, especially when I am such a big fan." Wow. Marilyn had it so much easier. And her ultimate fighter invaded Cuba. [Page Six]