This almost beats "Headless Body Found in Topless Bar":
HORRIFIED diners watched in shock as a maniac sliced off his manhood in a crowded pizza restaurant. The 35-year-old Pole burst into the Zizzi eaterie in central London and grabbed a knife from the kitchen. He then leapt on a table and dropped his trousers as customers fled screaming. A witness said: “There was blood everywhere. Everyone ran out of the place.”
Headline contest? Here's mine: "Sausage Topping Not What Diners Had In Mind"
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