Interdating? You might be a coward

Although it doesn't explicitly mention intermarriage, #9 on the  NYTimes list of Questions Couples Should Ask Before Marrying  is "Have we reached a clear understanding of each other’s spiritual beliefs and needs, and have we discussed when and how our children will be exposed to religious/moral education?"  

Good thing too, because (unlike us intermarried types) although it's true that for many couples the decision of "which religion" is a foregone conclusion… even in families where everyone has the same background, religion can be a tricky issue.  Two newly marrieds from Jewish families don't always see eye to eye, and often fight over the level of religious observance in the home. Or things are fine until the kids arrive, and then one half of the couple assumes the burden of religious education and ritual and quietly resents the uninterested parent.   Which is only messier when you add in the complication of two faiths.

In any case, I'm acutely aware of this issue, after a weekend of working with people who should have asked themselves this question BEFORE the wedding, and are now on the verge of serious marital problems.  Often, the reason people don't ask the question… is simply that they're afraid the marriage can't handle it.  Which is a BAD reason to avoid conversation, and likely a bad marriage in the end. 

If you are in an intermarriage, or inter-dating, ask yourself whether you could handle raising Christian kids? 

 No? 

Now ask yourself whether your partner understands that if they agree to raise Jewish kids, and you die…

They have to raise Jewish kids on their own.