Now Reading
Real Talk Parsha: Vayetze
Slut for Slicha
A Very Jewcy Rosh Hashanah
Snipped and Satisfied
Schtupless in Seattle
Gefilte Guilt
Messy Meshugane. Again.

Real Talk Parsha: Vayetze

So does anyone else wonder why Lavan takes it so personally after Jacob just up and books?  I know I do.  I mean, did Lavan forget their first meeting? Forget the fact that Jacob had to send him a coded message which essentially translated to "anything you can do I can do better," when Jacob first shows up in Aram–fresh from having been robbed along the way and pushing a huge stone of a well–Lavan greets him…Then, as the midrash tells us, Lavan is disappointed that Jacob has no gifts and wealth with him [Remember, Lavan was around for Eliezer’s "Prince Ali" routine for Rebecca] and, on a hunch that Jacob is hiding it on his person, proceeds to fondle and kiss Jacob to find the treasure…Right.  Looking for Jacob’s "jewels." No kidding.

One: I’ve always assumed that pushing a rock off the mouth of a well was exhausting work.  Well, it’s obviously more exhausting than I thought since it apparently leaves you completely powerless to defend against YOUR UNCLE SHOVING HIS TONGUE IN YOUR MOUTH. Two: No wonder Jacob got the hell outta dodge the first chance he got.  Lavan was apparently one of "those" uncles.  Y’know.  The "let’s play in Uncle Touchy’s Naked Basement of Shame" kinda uncles.

Excellent.

 

[Disclaimer: Please, do not expect "Real Talk" to make actual Biblical sense. If you are looking for a legitimate commentary of meaning and substance, this ain’t the place. It’s less "Onkelos" and more "Onion", get me?]

View Comments (6)
  • You undoubtedly make it look really easy with your display but I come across this particular matter to get really a thing that I do think I’d personally never ever comprehend. It appears also complicated and very vast to me. We are anticipating for your forthcoming submit, Let me try and get the hang of that!

  • An impressive share, I given this onto a colleague who had previously been doing little analysis for this. And he in reality bought me breakfast simply because I came across it for him.. smile. So well then, i’ll reword that: Thnx with the treat! But yeah Thnkx for spending plenty of time to talk about this, Personally i think strongly regarding it and adore reading much more about this topic. When possible, as you become expertise, do you mind updating your site with an increase of details? It’s extremely useful for me. Big thumb up just for this blog post!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Scroll To Top