Now Reading
10 Jswipe No-No’s from a Newbie
Slut for Slicha
A Very Jewcy Rosh Hashanah
Snipped and Satisfied
Schtupless in Seattle
Gefilte Guilt
Messy Meshugane. Again.

10 Jswipe No-No’s from a Newbie

In a late night experimental mood, I decided to see what the dating app life has to offer in terms of Jewish dudes out there, since in theory I would like to meet a fellow member of the tribe, or as one of my best friends calls them, “boychiks.” So I downloaded JSwipe and set up a profile.

I’m not impressed, folks. I have been on this app for less than 12 hours and already I have a LOT of advice for you, dudes. And I’m not even talking about the shirtless pics. Because everyone’s probably already told you to stop that. No disrespect meant to your hot Israeli IDF bod — it is quite spiffy, but JSwipe isn’t really Grindr.

Here are some other things you should really not be doing:

1. No bio.

I mean, come on. Even if your pics are hot as hell, if I have no clue who you are, bye. This is basically 80-90% of profiles I’ve seen.

2. A bio that just says “I hate bios” or “there’s too much about me to fit into a bio.”

Oy, aren’t you special. Newsflash: we all hate condensing ourselves into a tiny pinprick but hello, if I can be bothered to put in the effort, so can you. Put on your big boy pants and deal with it. And yeah, I would hope there’s more to you than can fit in a bio, but if you can’t even come up with enough info or personality to fill half a phone screen, things are not looking great for the rest of you.

3. A bio of only emojis.

Wow. Much impress. “That menorah emoji really speaks to my soul,” said no one ever.

4. One word bios.

“Hi.” “Adventure.” “.רְצִינִי” “CPA.” “NJB [Nice Jewish Boy].” “INFP.” If you’re going to use one word, it had better be something that represents you, and if these are the most interesting things you can say about yourself, that does not bode well.

(Fun fact: The Most Interesting Man in the World is Jewish. Up your game.)

5. Bios that say, “I’m new at this!” and nothing else.

Well, guess what, boychik – so am I, and I’m already way better at it than you.

6. Bios that place a weird emphasis on your height.

Like either it’s the only thing in the bio, or one of less than 5 characteristics you’ve listed. I get that we are a people populated by men of small stature, so you feel special if you’re 6 feet tall, but again, if your height is the most interesting thing about you, you need some more hobbies. (I don’t care at all about height so personally any bio with height listed makes me roll my eyes.)

7. Bios that tell me you have a sense of humor but back it up with nothing.

Just because comedy and sarcasm is seemingly hardwired into our ancient culture and our less ancient celebrity icons, does not mean that you are automatically gifted with it. I too can claim to have a sense of humor. I included examples of it in my bio. Did you?

8. Bios that include one sentence about you and then a trite inspirational quote.

Great, I can have a date with my shul’s wall calendar that has as much to say as you do.

9. Bios where your primary interest is traveling.

Look, traveling is great. I’ve done it. I too have pictures of myself surrounded by Jerusalem stone and silhouetted against the Western Wall! Imagine that. But I want to know what makes you interesting aside from the places you can afford to visit. I want to know that if we’re stuck at home, you have enough conversation skills that I won’t be bored to tears. Travel is not a substitute for personality.

10. Bios that start in on what “most girls” like or want and how you’re different and special and shouldn’t be judged by the standards “most girls” use.

Just stop. Your bio is a space to tell me about you, not about all your past failures with women and your subsequent bitterness and Nice Guy Syndrome, you schmuck.

Sarah Meira (SM) Rosenberg is a jill-of-all-trades, including but not limited to: publicist for the bestselling Unofficial Hogwarts Haggadah, co-host of the Nice Jewish Fangirls podcast, freelance editor, former teen novelist, and retired auto mechanic. If you need stuff done, try her.

View Comments (54)
  • Alexis Texas pornofilmer @ DinoTube. Tarjoamme sinulle ilmaisen pornoa, så sjekk dem ut nå!
    Outstanding golden-haired housewife with a large, round
    booty, Alexis Texas is having sex in the kitchen FreePorn8.
    No video available. HD 5:00. Lascivious alexis texas with great tits gets nailed so well Like Dislike Close.
    2 uker siden.

  • This is a very good tip particularly to those new to the blogosphere.
    Short but very precise information… Many thanks for sharing this one.

    A must read article!

  • We stumbled over here coming from a different web address and
    thought I might check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you.
    Look forward to looking into your web page repeatedly.

    Have a look at my web site: special

  • Wonderful items from you, man. I have take into accout your stuff prior to and
    you’re simply too excellent. I really like what you have got right here, really like what you are saying
    and the way in which through which you are saying it. You are making it entertaining and you still take care of to keep it sensible.
    I can’t wait to learn much more from you. That is actually a wonderful web site.

  • Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to say that I have truly enjoyed
    browsing your weblog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you
    write once more soon!

  • Ahaa, its pleasant dialogue concerning this post here at this
    web site, I have read all that, so at this time me also commenting at this place.

  • It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to be happy.
    I’ve read this submit and if I may I want to counsel
    you few interesting things or suggestions. Maybe you could write subsequent articles regarding this
    article. I desire to read more issues about it!

  • Excellent post. I used to be checking continuously
    this weblog and I’m impressed! Extremely helpful
    info particularly the last section :) I maintain such information much.

    I was seeking this certain information for a long time. Thanks and best of luck.

  • Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was a amusement
    account it. Look advanced to more added agreeable from you!
    However, how can we communicate?

    My web page; special

  • Nice post. I was checking continuously this weblog and I’m impressed!
    Very helpful info specifically the final section :) I maintain such information much.
    I was seeking this particular information for a long time.

    Thanks and good luck.

  • Excellent post. Keep writing such kind of information on your blog.
    Im really impressed by your site.
    Hey there, You’ve done a fantastic job. I will certainly
    digg it and individually recommend to my friends. I am confident
    they will be benefited from this web site.

  • Great post however , I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this topic?

    I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit more.
    Many thanks!

  • It is not my first time to pay a visit this web site, i am browsing this web page
    dailly and get good facts from here all the time.

  • Having read this I believed it was rather informative.
    I appreciate you spending some time and energy to put this informative article together.
    I once again find myself personally spending a lot of time both reading and posting comments.
    But so what, it was still worth it!

  • What i don’t understood is in truth how you are now
    not really a lot more smartly-liked than you might be right now.
    You’re very intelligent. You understand
    thus significantly in terms of this topic, made me for my part consider it from so many numerous angles.
    Its like women and men don’t seem to be fascinated unless it is one thing to do
    with Girl gaga! Your personal stuffs excellent. All the time take care of it up!

  • hey there and thank you for your info – I have certainly picked up something new from
    right here. I did however expertise a few technical points using this web site, since I experienced to reload the web site
    lots of times previous to I could get it to load correctly.
    I had been wondering if your hosting is OK?
    Not that I am complaining, but sluggish loading instances times
    will often affect your placement in google and could damage your high quality score if ads and marketing with Adwords.
    Well I’m adding this RSS to my email and can look out for a lot more of your
    respective exciting content. Make sure you update this again soon.

  • hello!,I like your writing very a lot! proportion we keep in touch more
    approximately your post on AOL? I require an expert
    in this space to unravel my problem. Maybe that’s you!
    Taking a look ahead to look you.

  • Definitely consider that which you stated. Your favourite reason seemed to be
    on the net the easiest thing to bear in mind of.

    I say to you, I definitely get annoyed at the same time as people think about
    worries that they plainly don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the
    highest and also defined out the entire thing without
    having side-effects , people can take a signal. Will probably be back to get more.

    Thanks

  • I truly love your blog.. Great colors & theme. Did you make this amazing
    site yourself? Please reply back as I’m trying to create my own personal website and
    would like to find out where you got this from or what the theme is called.
    Thanks!

  • I’m amazed, I must say. Seldom do I come across
    a blog that’s both educative and interesting, and let me tell
    you, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The problem is an issue
    that too few men and women are speaking intelligently about.
    I’m very happy I stumbled across this during my hunt for something regarding this.

  • You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I
    find this matter to be actually something which I think I would never understand.
    It seems too complicated and very broad for me. I’m looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of
    it!

  • Nice post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed! Very useful information particularly the last part I care for such information a lot. I was looking for this certain info for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  • read more info https://pbase.com/topics/lovedoll750/how_to_get_a_fabulous_mini_shttps://ondashboard.win/story.php?title=the-best-way-to-separate-higher-grade-and-sub-standard-sex-dolls#discusshttps://bookmarking.stream/story.php?title=western-sex-dolls-are-enough-to-provide-you-with-sexual-delight#discusshttps://getpocket.com/@jawtail24https://linkagogo.trade/story.php?title=sex-doll-gives-exhilaration-to-your-dull-living#discusshttp://iatwe.com/members/sexdolls993/activity/109755/https://socialbookmarknew.win/story.php?title=lovemaking-jobs-with-your-sexdoll-com-woman#discusshttps://writeablog.net/lovedoll593/how-to-turn-your-mini-sex-doll-from-blah-into-fantastichttp://referralpros.org/members/lovedolls964/activity/642161/http://10lance.com/story.php?title=7-exciting-information-about-rubber-love-dolls-edition-2020#discusshttp://www.fitbudds.com/members/sexdoll732/activity/237333/https://techdirt.stream/story.php?title=plastic-sex-dolls-offers-you-realistic-encounter-and-enjoyment#discusshttp://domain.socialbookmark.online/story.php?title=care-and-maintenance-of-your-sexdoll-com-itemhttps://socialbookmark.stream/story.php?title=deliver-sex-dolls-home-and-knowledge-unforgettable-delight#discusshttp://www.pearltrees.com/shophipglidercocoa5https://tagoverflow.stream/story.php?title=ponder-about-the-following-details-when-choosing-sensible-sex-dolls#discusshttps://www.openlearning.com/u/sexdolls282/blog/SensibleMiniSexDollsFilterBodySmallTinySmallAppreciateDollhttps://georgechickchildweeder7.doodlekit.com/blog/entry/10914861/fulfill-your-lovemaking-craving-with-genuine-sex-dollshttp://bookmarkloves.com/submithttps://is.gd/5GtRJBhttps://xypid.win/story.php?title=using-and-exploring-the-silicon-wives-web-site#discusshttp://tinyurl.com/palzdb67https://squareblogs.net/lovedoll751/the-best-places-to-buy-mini-sex-american-girl-doll-modest-sex-toy-tinyhttps://king-bookmark.stream/story.php?title=why-you-ought-to-certainly-be-a-sex-doll-owner#discusshttps://0rz.tw/create?url=http3A2F2Fwinterer.ru2Fw2Findex.php3Ftitle3DWhen_You_Want_To_Piquancy_Some_Misconceptionhttps://www.aacc21stcenturycenter.org/members/lovedoll964/activity/787183/https://saveyoursite.win/story.php?title=tips-for-a-practical-sex-doll-experience#discusshttps://easybookmark.win/story.php?title=a-number-of-the-benefits-that-guys-will-surely-have-simply-with-grownup-sex-dolls#discusshttps://coolpot.stream/story.php?title=real-sex-dolls-lucky-with-many-fantastic-traits#discuss

  • Valuable info. Fortunate me I discovered your website unintentionally, and
    I’m surprised why this coincidence did not came about in advance!

    I bookmarked it.

  • I’m amazed, I have to admit. Seldom do I come across a blog that’s equally educative and amusing, and without
    a doubt, you have hit the nail on the head. The problem is something
    too few men and women are speaking intelligently about.
    Now i’m very happy that I found this during
    my hunt for something concerning this.

  • I’m no longer certain the place you’re getting your info, but good topic.
    I must spend a while studying much more or understanding more.
    Thank you for wonderful information I was looking for this information for my mission.

  • Thanks , I’ve just been looking for info about this topic for a while and yours is the best I
    have discovered so far. However, what in regards to the conclusion? Are you positive concerning the supply?

  • whoah this blog is fantastic i really like studying your articles.
    Keep up the great work! You recognize, a lot
    of individuals are looking around for this information, you could aid
    them greatly.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Scroll To Top