FFJD: Dazzled On A Monday Morning

Thanks to the FFJD fan who submitted this! Because really, you are dazzling me. Dazzle. (Read below.) It’s in bullet-point/Awl-style listicle form because let’s be realz, who has time for full narratives on a Monday morning?

I totally wish I could have been live-tweeting the date because there were so many hysterical moments. (1)

Here are the highlights:

1. He told me i looked “dazzling.” (2)

2. He told me he’s done lots of crazy things before, “like smoking, drinking, partying, and staying out late.” (3)

3. I asked him what his job was and he clarified that his profile, although it said “interning for a Senator” was actually a “former senator” and “I can’t really tell you about it because we’re in public, and its kind of secretive.”

So I was like umm…ok….and eventually he’s like do you want to know and I was like sure. and he’s like i intern at the white house. like is that supposed to impress or shock me? i went to GW, everyone and their mother interns at the white house. (4)

(there was a legit 10 minute pause between every lame conversation he tried to start. one of which was something like “so you like tv? me too!!” haha umm….who doesn’t like tv?) (5)

4. When I told him that I do PR for a theater he was like “oh that’s so cool you’re an actress!” after i explained that i am actually not quite an actress i started talking about our kitchen and cafe, etc. and he was like “thats so cool so the actors can like do their act at the cafe and stuff.” (6)

5. We split the bill (a whole other matter) and as I’m trying to high-tail it out he asks me to come back to his place to “listen to his music collection” or something like that. Then we shared a cab and he got out without paying, so I paid double for the ride to my apartment. FFJD. (7)

(1) That’s definitely next on my list of to-do’s – live-tweeting a date. I’ve already live blogged one, but maybe I could have an entire date on Twitter where we don’t actually meet in person but just hashtag the crap out of each other. If you know what I mean. You know it’s Monday when I break out the Twitter jokes. “He totally tweeted at me on Saturday, and I RT’d it. In my pants.”

(2) Which is nice, but I sort of feel like the term “dazzling” is reserved for things your grandpa says to you or someone who was born in the first half of the 20th century. Although, maybe we should bring dazzling back with the introduction of vajazzling, and also spazzling. Maybe I will use it in a sentence this week, to change things up from our overuse of “sporadically.” At least you know that he has a robust vocabulary that extends beyond the use of “you look hot” or “damn girl,” which I have gotten before and is somewhat reminiscent of Justin Timberlake’s ill-fated song by that title. Which is now stuck in my head.

(3) Things he left off the list – “cow tipping,” “running around in my dazzling skivvies,” and “switching my roommates shampoo and conditioner.” WILD CHILD. Good thing he didn’t do any lines at the table, as heard from a previous JDater (sadly, this is not a joke.)

(4) Man, this boy is certainly tight-lipped. Glad he got his water-boarding security clearance and is a crony of Ms. Plame. Is that movie out yet? How did Naomi Watts do?

(5) We could talk, or not talk for hours. And we both love soup.

(6) I have no joke for this, except that I’m in the middle of shooting a film with Richard Gere in my basement so brb.

(7) Whatever, you’re making such a racket for your auteur scenes with a muffin in the cafe of the theater, which has a cameo and intensive monologue by Kelsey Grammer, so a little cab is nothing.

______

Email your FFJD story to fiftyfirstjdates@gmail.com!

Follow FFJD on Twitter and Be a Fan on Facebook!