FFJD Boy Guest Post: Meet The Parents

Meeting the parents is like a first date on steroids. It has all the anxiety and uncertainty of the first date, except this time they know your nailing their daughter. Awkward, I know,which is why you need to get past that by nailing the meeting.
Ironically, the parents areas nervous to meet you as the other way around. Remember, this is a battle in the war of family opinion.

Yiddish translation: a BFD.

Do they kvell or kvetch about you after? That’s for you to decide. This isn’t high school any more, so dating a tool to piss off the parents is no longer cool. Don’t be fooled, girls care a lot about what their family thinks.

1. Be prepared.

We didn’t get Bin Laden by randomly showing up to a sweet crib in Abbottabad and seeinghow it played out.

We took many months of recon, intel and some ridiculous satellite and drone work. I’m not saying you should be camped outside the parents’ house figuring out their daily routine, but you need to know what they like and don’t like so you can charm their socks off.

Is Dad a cigar smoker, scotch or vodka drinker? Well bring a pair of nice cigars and suggest a walk with a glass of scotch and/or a cigar smoke after dinner. You took the time, were thoughtful, and best of all mom and girlfriend are making the wedding plans while they wash the dishes. You’re in with the pops. Trust me.

But now it’s time for Mom, and harnessing in your inner-yenta charm. If you want to really impress and not just be liked, land a pre-emptive strike. If first impressionsare made in a matter of seconds, why take that risk? After all, battles are won before they’re fought. Have something delivered to the house before you arrive. Flowers, Edible Arrangement, or if you really want to kill it, a truly famous dessert you know she likes. (And contrary to most people reading this, “truly famous” here is not interchangeable with “New York.”)

Dinner etiquette — make sure you eat what is made, especially if it’s homemade. You should know from your intel what the “famous” thing(s) are. Mind you, fame is pretty liberal here. Don’t like the famous dish? Tough luck! Master the art of moving the food around and lifting an empty fork to your mouth.

Following dinner, make sure to clear yours and the girlfriend’s dish. Don’t get carried away and look fake, but Dad wants to know you’retreating her the way his little Jewish American Princess deserves.

2. Conversation.

You will inevitably be on the hot seat with questions about your work, your family and lord only knows what Nanny will ask if she’s at the table. Be poised and confident and feel free to use some self-deprecating humor about your work or your family.

Let’s take a wild guess that you and Dad are either a doctor, lawyer, accountant or dentist. If you don’t do the same thing, make fun of your profession.

If you’re not one of the aforementioned professions and he is, make fun of how it bothers your mom, especially if you’re successful. “So when I told my mom I’d been selected by NASA to be an astronaut, she asked why I couldn’t be a lawyer like my brother.”

3. Follow-up.

Make sure to send a note or even a small gift, thanking the parents for having you. You need to include something that was discussed when you met to show your attention to detail and interest in their little girl. And no shortcuts…it needs to be handwritten to showthat you’re a little “old-fashioned.”

They like that. They’re old.

Follow these pointers and you’ll ruin any future boyfriend’s chance at winning ove the family. In the end, that’s the goal, or at least it should be. If you nail it, you’ll nail it.

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Email meredith@theffjd.com

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