FFJD: Phone Etiquette

We are so caught up in texting, tweeting, twatting, twooting, that sometimes we forget to CALL each other. (Cue video of girl texting and then falling into a mall fountain. Although there was one time that I walked into a wall while BBMing. Not a joke, unfortunately.)

Talking on the phone is important. Hearing the intonations in someone’s voice, have a general rapport, it’s key to falling in love with someone, I think. Women also like boys who call them. Just as a tip, gentlemen.

I prefer phone calls. At least in the romance department. I recognize, however, that not everyone’s real calling (bad pun) is to be a switchboard operator or a receptionist. Given the response to last week’s wait-to-flush video chat post, I thought I’d give a few phone pointers.

Chat (But Not For Too Long).

So, when your grandma told you to hang up after 15 minutes because then you won’t have anything to say when you meet in person is actually true. Not to say that anything my grandmother says isn’t true, she knows her lemon bars and New Jersey gossip. [Hi grandma! I love it when you read FFJD. Will you send more brownies again? And thank you for the article clippings :)]

But really, don’t talk for hours and hours because then you will get together and the silence will be deafening and it will be awkward. It just will, trust me. So leave some salacious tales of failed manicures (please don’t actually talk about that) and hilarious UPIs (unidentifiable party injuries) for when you’re swapping drinks and spit.

If Your Dumb Iphone Drops the Call, The Caller Calls Back.

My ex’s Dad came up with this, and it’s pretty brillz. I’m not sure if this is like a known thing, but if you get disconnected, the person who called should call back so that you’re not calling each other at the same time. This is less about etiquette, and more about general phone tips. Got that, Verizon?

LEAVE A VOICEMAIL.

I’m sorry, maybe this is just a personal pet peeve, but a missed call is not a voice-mail. I’d like to know a preview of whether this discussion will be about where you’re taking me to dinner, or whether you are calling me to say that you’re just not that into me. It’s common courtesy. Also, if we start dating, I’d like to save that to replay when I’m bored or after we’ve broken up to torture myself and then delete.

Don’t Leave Really Important Conversations for the Phone.

I’ve been dumped on the phone. Cue Taylor Swift. Unacceptable, impersonal, and mildly offensive if you actually really care about someone. If not, then whatever.

The bottom line is, if it’s really serious, or if you want to tell him that you think his Mom is a terrible person, just do it to his face. Although I have a feeling it’s not the best thing to talk about. Ever.

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