FFJD: Wait, Who Are You On JDate Again?

You’re probably talking to a lot of people on JDate. Poking around the selection of yellows, blues, reds, whites, and people who you would not go out with if the Apocalypse came and you were being forced on a UFO where there was no chance you would ever find romance because little blue creatures from Mars just aren’t doing it for you. Except for the one standing near the Cyborg who sort of, if you squint, might resemble Joaquin Phoenix.

But seriously, how do you keep everyone straight? I’ve had one boy tell me he kept an Excel spreadsheet. Maybe this is why he wasn’t getting laid a lot. But I guess it’s somewhat effective. Do you keep a little list, right next to your obsessively color-coordinated planner with different stickies – one for beauty-related appointments, and one for general “to do” that you’re never going to get around to, like finally fixing your bedpost?

You have to devise some system for the array of Aarons who are IMing you about how much they love Greece, traveling (I think this is the most common statement on any dating site), X-sports team, or trying new restaurants.

Just be sure to not do this:

My JDate account ran out yesterday, so the day before I was bulldozing through guys messaging them. I wasn’t even looking at who I was distributing my e-mail address to. I probably messaged the Hudson Murderer for all I know.

One guy’s profile said “geux saints.”

While I was prostituting myself out to him via e-mail, I got an instant message from another guy. We were talking and I go, “so, I’m assuming you went to Tulane from your profile.” He responds, “Huh? No, why would you say that?” Wrong guy.

There was no way out of it. What do you say? “Sorry, I’ve been hooking so long on the JDate corner everyone is a 26/27 year old Jewish banker/lawyer who hails from Tulane/Wisco/InsertMehTierSchool.”

I just abruptly X’d out of the conversation. I wish you could do that in real life.

Awkward. Even worse prospect: you are related to this person:

Everyone on New York JDate knows each other. I once had to thoroughly investigate and cross check with a guy to make absolutely sure we weren’t related. When I wasn’t totally satisfied with our investigation, I abruptly x’d out of the conversation. It’s possible i shut down my 4th cousin twice removed.

Let’s hope you don’t see him at the Wasserstein bris.

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