FFJD: You Look Kinda Cute in Diapers

Someone asked me on Formspring (this cool thingy where you can ask me anonymous questions which isn’t really any different from just posting anonymous comments below but whatevs) about age differences. What did I think an ideal age difference for dating was?

Well, there isn’t really one, but my reply was around ten years max. Of course that’s just my opinion, there are happy couples where one has an AARP card and one is in diapers (non adult diapers. I kid, I kid.)

The bottom line when it comes to dating and age is that it’s just important you and the prospective Joe Schmoenstein are in the same phase of your life, relatively speaking. For instance, said questioner on Formspring is an older, post-grad male whose girlfriend is in college. This is inherently hard.

Let’s be real, in college your greatest concern is whether or not Becca Stein, the stupid bitch in Theta, is going to be wearing the same dress as you at the Aepi formal. Or maybe whether the footnotes in your thesis are adequate all being from Wikipedia. Post grad life is mostly about happy hours, finding a place in the office fridge where someone won’t steal your string cheese (THANKS GUYS), and figuring out what it’s like to be an adult. Or not figuring that out, and live-blogging cable television, like me.

Personally, I’ve dated people older than me always. Mostly because girls mature faster than boys. This is a proven fact. There should be some sort ofFFJD algorithm to determine a guys age, often as follows:

Boys: Biological age – (4) – (#of times smokes weed per week/3.75). Wow, this is the first time I’ve used my TI-83 since…never. Well except maybe to play that silly drug dealer game in high school.

Girls: Biological age + (2) – (10) (if you use emoticons). Sippin’ on the smiley face haterade. They’re stupid.

Age difference is something that is a case by case thing. Sure, Demi Moore can date Ashton Kutcher and some boys are more mature than others. Which ladies, if you find one, you should probably clutch harder on to him than me on Black Friday with that last pair of Balenciaga heels that are two sizes too small but I’m going to make it work. Just don’t go with the whole Kim Kardashian/Justin Bieber weirdness. Her bum is bigger than his head. That was really mean, but I’ve measured.

However, if he has more grey hair than your Dad, there might be an issue/broaching Best in Show territory.

Although I really do love soup.

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