Dear Miss Shema Arielle,
I keep falling in love with every man that gives me the slightest bit of attention. All it takes is a text because the bar is on the floor. Hold the flowers, hold the chocolate, and hold the emotional availability — it’s “hello,” and I’m hopelessly all in. What do I DO?! I can’t raise my standards. There would be no one to date!
If you’re as hung as your pseudonym-sake claims then you need to start acting like it! This is a joke about penis size. Isn’t it funny that in the secular world BDE stands for Big Dick Energy and in the Jewish world it absolutely doesn’t stand for that? It cracks me up every time. Anyway…
You say you “can’t” raise your standards? I call shmegegge! (That’s Yiddish for “bullshit.”) The problem is you won’t raise your standards, because you accept the love you think you deserve. I’m guessing this stems from a lack of love and attention as a child, or maybe that’s just me… but what I do know for sure is that emotionally unavailable people are attracted to emotionally unavailable people. Nu? What is there for you to do?
I’m obligated to refer you to therapy to work out your deep insecurities and fill the holes in your self-esteem, but I seriously do have some concrete advice for you, kinderlach. The heart wants what the heart wants, and indiscriminate attention is what your lev craves. But what your gluttonous heart needs is a lifestyle change.
I want you to think about your ideal partner. Is he funny? Generous? Does he make you feel seen? Do you share common interests? Write down the qualities that matter most to you. Now, I want you to make another list, but this time, write down your non-negotiables. For example, I have three: must prioritize my pleasure; must be a zionist; no addicts. Keep this list on your phone, in your diary, or even share it with a friend. Now you’ve got yourself a nifty guide to refer to for the next time you fall head over heels in lust with a boy who leaves you on read. Be well, darling!