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Smitten with Schpilkes

Shema, Arielle

I’m going to keep this short and sweet: I have a crush on my Rabbi. I’ve been taking classes at my synagogue and meeting with him monthly to discuss my studies for the past year. He’s obviously wildly smart, wise, and HOT (mid-30’s to my early 30’s), and it feels like he sees deep into my soul whenever we meet. He also has amazing taste in music. 

I know he’s single because 1) we’ve bonded over our relationship statuses in relation to the loneliness of keeping Shabbat during quarantine as single people 2) his dating app profile comes up for me constantly.

So like, is he totally off-limits? Would it cross a major boundary to shoot my shot and ask him for coffee or something once my class ends? I wouldn’t want to fuck things up and have to switch temples if he says no/is weirded out… but like also I’d regret not pursuing some kind of hot Jewish Fleabag fantasy when I have the opportunity… Please help!!

Much love and gratitude in advance,

Smitten with Schpilkes


OMG Bubbela, 

This is just the juicy pickle I’ve been CUH-RAVING! I so want you to experience this super hot Jewish Fleabag Fantasy (#JFF) but the worst case scenario is steep and I’m honestly nervous about it! Schvitzing where you shower is risky, but I have some ideas to avoid switching synagogues. I’m curious about the class material, btw, ‘cause the Torah can get pretty spicy sometimes!

Before making a move and potentially creating a super awk vibe, you need to collect some intel on whether he’s into you. Bubbela, when you see his profile on dating apps you MUST swipe right! Since he’s active on the apps, it’ll be clear whether he swiped right or left. Another option is to orchestrate a situation where a matchmaker sets you up… hello, Netflix

OR…

You can just ask him out. Now that I’ve thought about it for a bit, I don’t think switching temples will even be necessary. If Mr. Hot Rabbi is as attractive as you say, then maybe he’s used to congregants hitting on him? And if he’s equally as wise, he’ll know how to handle the situation with grace. 

Just remind him it’s a mitzvah to have sex on Shabbat. 

Go get ‘em, you minx! 

Love, 

Arielle

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