(J)Date Cliches: Girls Edition

Now it’s only fair that I serve it back to the ladyfriends by compiling a list of the worst cliches/things you should not put in your profile. “Meredith, you are not a dude!” you comment. I know, I took a (small) poll of bros on JDate and this is what they complained were far too prevalent and annoying on a girl’s profile.

1. I love to go out but I also love a night in.

Ladies – please do not say you are versatile, and use the example of being able to have BOTH:

a crazy drunken stumbling night bar hopping on the town where you realize the next morning that thing-you-did-with-that-guy-you-met-twice-at-an-office-happy-hour-and-Cuervo-is-your-weakness-but-deeply-regret-now…

BUT ALSO

…are great at snuggling on the couch, watching Golden Girls reruns in your jammies!!!!! while sorta doing that thing where you are trying to pick your nose but instead do a little secret excavation so nobody can tell (you SO know what I mean.)

Anyway, clearly everyone’s life isn’t made up of seven nights a week out (unless you’re a cast member of Jersey Shore, in which case, the thing I admire most about you all is your pure STAMINA) or seven nights in granny panties (no judging.)

2. A lack of a full-body photograph or a blank next to your weight description.

“This is a clear indication that this girl is heavier than she appears.” I know it’s hard to pick an adjective. I spent 20 minutes and 2 phone calls asking people if they would describe me as “slender” or “athletic.” It’s just awkward. See earlier post, just own it. I know, if every girl were just able to “own” her weight there would be no Jenny Craig, no US Weekly little graphic of chicken and veggies (like come ONNNNN just say you don’t eat and snort adderall) or 17 Kardashians promoting TrimQuick (SlimQuick? GetRidofMyArmenianBehind?) It’s not an easy task. But just at least fake confidence in your body online, because apparently guys can tell.

3. Excuses, excuses.

This is true for both girls and boys. We are all on the site. We all have the same level of misplaced shame. It’s just as embarrassing for the acquaintance from college as it is for you. But don’t blame your JDate account on your Mom, or your Mom’s friend, or your friend’s sister who met her husband on the site, or the fact you are looking for new people in the area. You are here, and you WORK THAT JDATE GIRL BECAUSE YOU ARE LOOKIN FOR A MANNNNN.

4. Trying too hard to tell guys what they want to hear.

Be you. Every single guy I asked about this said that they can tell when a girl is trying too hard to please. And nothing is worse, or more boring, than someone telling you what they think you want to hear. Meh.

5. Create a laundry list of requirements.

Yes I know women like to plan the type of guy they’re looking for. But if you list 20 different things the man of your dreams has, you’re never going to find him. And what’s worse, you’re going to scare the poop out of prospective males. You have to make concessions somewhere. Or at least pretend you will.

But keep that one about the back hair.