Lonely Latke

Shema Arielle,

I’m so disappointed by Nice Jewish Boys™. When did they stop being nice!? I’m constantly ghosted and left disappointed in my search for my beshert. There are days that I’m on the verge of just giving up on my dreams of finding a Jewish partner… but it’s still so important to me. What should I do? Should I throw in the towel?

Sincerely,

Lonely Latke

---

Hey Bubbela, 

You should definitely throw that towel in the washing machine ‘cause it’s probably starting to smell like mold. And then I want you to blast South Pacific, take a cold shower and wash those ghosters right out of your hair. Be assured that Nice Jewish Boys have never been quote-unquote-nice, and any man who describes himself as one is riddled with mommy issues. This type of man doesn’t just love his mama, he doesn’t know how to survive without her. To be fair, it’s not his fault he was over coddled, but it’s also not your responsibility to be his new night nurse. You’re disappointed because you fell for the myth of the NJB, but don’t fret, bubbela, all hope is not lost. 

Now, where could the elusive mensch of your dreams be hiding? They say Jews are everywhere, but lonely latkes like us beg to disagree. Given our shared attraction to Jewish Boys Who Ghost — I proudly confess I’m slightly reformed — I’m going to toss something out here, and please don’t throw tomatoes. The guys you’ve (I’ve) dated are emotionally unavailable, but maybe, just maybe, you’re (I’m) emotionally unavailable too. You’re not a magnet for ghosters and mean boys but rather you seek them out, probably because you know the doomed relationship already has an expiration date, thus preventing you from truly being vulnerable with a romantic interest. Voila! We’ve identified a dating pattern, and now it’s time to try something/someone else. Ditch the NJB for, let’s say, someone who shows their Jewish values instead of explicitly telling them.

On another note, mamaleh, your submitted question is dripping with desperation, and that’s not an ingredient for love potions. Empty your pockets of that kryptonite and you’ll meet the boychik which you seek. Or not. What do I know? I suppose enough to write this column, but don’t check my credentials. I think there’s something to that thing people say, you know, that you’ll find love when you stop swiping for it. Oh, and speaking of swiping, for any other loxists looking for love in all the wrong places, may I suggest the Lox Club and Yente Over the Rainbow? 

Good luck, my delicious lonely latke!

Love, 

Arielle