FFJD: Phi Phi FFJD

Picking potential suitors is sort of like sorority rush. If you weren’t in a sorority, such as myself and I’d assume a fair number of other FFJDers, let me break it down for you.

The physical things I’ve gained from my years as a proud member of Sigma Delta Tau Sorority, an SDTer if you will (please, make the STD joke, you’re original): a myriad of teeshirts with slogans such as “If You Think I’m Cute, Wait ‘Til You See My Big,” shot glasses, martini glasses, basically anything monogrammable, boxer shorts, 5-10 pounds sophomore year, and several different fraternity boys.

Figurative gains from my sorority: memories of 35 girls in one house, wonderful friends, and trips to Acapulco where you don’t remember anything except maybe some random sophomore plaything boy and if you’re lucky, some blind gossip item upon your return (guilty.)

Every year, lots of girls want to get into little pre-assigned, semi-professional cliques.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my sorority.

I was never really a camp girl (which solicits gasps from other East-Coast Jewish femalians), and I have one brother. So all these chicks around, who sort of look like me and have cute tops I can borrow to wear to date parties yields endless fun. The egg-white omelettes via the chef (I know), were also awesome. However, if I ever have to look at a 100-calorie pack of Chips Ahoy(which might I say, are not cookies but a shamelful excuse for a cookie crisp) I will vomit all over my new set of fraternity shotglasses, that I stole from house parties. (College really brings out your inner klepto, doesn’t it?)

Anyway, rush is a special time of year when anxious little froshies line up in their cutest attire (I carried a hair straightener in my bag between houses…FFJD/era of superstickstraight hair pre-Kardashians) and try to impress you.

So basically, with that longwinded intro that was mostly a platform for my making light of the matching Juicy sweatsuits of all my beloved friends, rushing a sorority is almost exactly like dating.

There are a large volume of people, but half cant carry on a conversation and you have to work your way through 300 girls from the Eastern Seaboard in order to find that one gem who you want to date/be best friends with/maybe share So Lows when you’re out and need to pop over to the gym.

So what have I learned from rush that can be applied to the dating world, and thus impart to all of you on your Monday morning when you REALLY CAN’T BEAR ANOTHER COATING OF ICE WINTERY MIX SYSTEM COMING WEDNESDAY.

Be discerning. You’re going to have a lot of awkward conversations, and a lot of duds. But such is life. You should know when it’s right, and when it’s just really painful, move on. I suggest adopting a scoring system. Maybe, a scale from 1 to 5? Where 1 is “i’d prefer if we never saw each other again, but we probably will at a Federation event and I’m taking the rest of my vodka soda and running” and 5 is “i’ve already fantasized about the comments below our changed Facebook statuses from single to in a relationship with each other.”

Give someone time to warm up. This may seem in direct contrast to the above statements, but don’t dismiss someone immediately. Some dudes shine after a little bit of nudging and hitting on the right subject matter. Also, don’t judge it til you kiss it (although this was not applied during sorority rush, boys reading this post). Unless the date was so wretched you’d rather re-read all of the footnotes from your thesis, twice, to make sure you used the proper AP style, maybe go out again. You don’t want someone to judge your entire being from an hour or two, right? Or you do.

Don’t judge a book by its cover. I had some people pegged wrong during rush who became some of my closest friends. Which means I’m a judgmental bitch. But, I am a sorority girl.

However, I am judging your shoes.

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Email your FFJD at meredith@theffjd.com.

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