On the Left: Sen. Barack Obama, who lost the Nevada Democratic caucus to Sen. Hillary Clinton, accuses her campaign workers of fraud and voter suppression. He is also criticizing her husband's role in her campaign, and so are leading Democrats such as Sen. Ted Kennedy. Hillary and Obama continue to grapple for the support of African-American voters, especially over the MLK Day weekend. Aides to John Edwards confess that they don't expect him to win a single primary state but he vows to stay in the race anyway: "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." (Aren't there laws that make people stop you when you waste an absurd amount of money for a jackpot that you will never win?)
Winner This Week: Hillary — but her campaign seems to be getting sleazier and sleazier, and this could backfire in the general election if Obama supporters refuse to vote for her along with 50 percent of America.
On the Right: Sen. John McCain proclaims himself the GOP front-runner after winning the South Carolina Republican primary. (His victory was an upset over Mike Huckabee, who pandered to bigots who won't admit that the North won the fucking Civil War states' rights enthusiasts.) But Mitt Romney won the Nevada caucus, and his $250 million fortune gives him an edge, so McCain's declaration might be premature. Romney and McCain will now contend with Giuliani in Florida, where the former New York City mayor has put all his chips on the table. (He is losing at home.) Fred Thompson ate a turkey sandwich — nobody noticed.
Winner(s) This Week: McCain and Romney. But McCain better not get arrogant — his age will soon become a factor, and Romney simply looks much more vital. (But it's only because the focus group told him to look that way — if they had preferred a more wrinkled man, Romney would currently be sitting on a tropical beach with no sunscreen, getting sand in his special Mormon underwear.)
Last Week: Race-Baiting Dems Vs. Nutty Repubs
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