Jewcy
Now Reading
Mo’ Partners Mo’ Problems
Jewcy
Jewcy
Slut for Slicha
A Very Jewcy Rosh Hashanah
Snipped and Satisfied
Schtupless in Seattle
Gefilte Guilt
Messy Meshugane. Again.

Mo’ Partners Mo’ Problems

by
February 25, 2022

Shema Arielle, 

I need some love life advice. I’m currently in an open, long-distance relationship with someone I’ve known for 10 years. Last summer, before we got together, he stopped talking to me because he met another girl (also long distance) and wanted to pursue things exclusively with her.

Since then, they’ve opened up their relationship and he and I have gotten together. After knowing him for a decade, I feel that he’s invested in me and loved me for who I am. Still, I can’t help but feel slightly threatened by the other girl, seeing as he previously chose her over me. In less than two weeks, he’s coming to visit me. And then a few weeks later, she’s coming to visit him – all the way from the UK.

I’m really excited to see him, but feel anxious knowing he’s seeing her so soon after. How do I feel more confident in myself and secure in our relationship?

Love,

Mo’ Partners Mo’ Problems

Hey Bubbela, 

In Toni Romiti’s song Options, she pleads with her lover that if he has to choose “between me and her, then don’t choose me.” He’s got options, this she knows, but baby, she coos, she’s got options too. What I’m trying to say is that you’re Toni Romiti. 

I imagine that someone who’s not familiar with polyamory might be inclined to suggest that you seek monogamous relationships. One of the biggest misconceptions about polyamory is that jealousy becomes obsolete, which is total pish-posh because humans are humans are humans! Albeit an uncomfortable one, jealousy is a natural emotion that is best served with a side of analysis. So find a comfortable Freudian couch to lay down and imagine me telling you what you don’t want to hear while I draw dicks on my notepad. 

I’d like to know whether your partner decided to open the relationship, if it was a mutual decision, or if his girlfriend suggested it. If it wasn’t his idea, I think he might be taking advantage of you in order to protect his own heart. To feel secure in your relationship, it’s important that you find out. Frankly, I have a hunch that you want him to be your primary partner, but he seemingly already has one. The insecurity and jealousy you feel is rooted in the sad truth that you prioritize each other on different levels. In order for polyamrous relationships to be successful, it’s crucial to communicate the uncomfortable feelings and doubts you’re experiencing. The bottom line is, the surest way to feel confident in your relationship is to tell your long time lover exactly what you wrote to me. Whether the conversation ends in your favor or in heartbreak, you will undoubtedly leave the conversation with a clearer picture of where you stand. 

Behatzlacha, bubbela!

Love, 

Arielle

Tags

Arielle Kaplan is a columnist at Jewcy Magazine and the Digital Editor of Hadassah Magazine. Her bylines include Hey Alma, Kveller, JTA, The Nosher and Salty Magazine.

View Comments (312)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Scroll To Top