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Give Props: Snappy Answers to Complicated Apartheid Week Questions

Previously: Vocab for the Newbie During Israel Apartheid Week, you might encounter someone looking to challenge your views. You won't have time to "read books" or come to your own conclusions—but anyone who questions your prejudices and preconceptions is probably a brainwashed Zionist, anyway, and beyond help.

Still, if you love peace so much that you can stomach the presence of someone who disagrees with your politics, don't forget to bludgeon them with some of our catchy propaganda. Here are a few examples of how to gracefully dispatch some of the Zionists' outrageous claims. I suggest making a little cheat sheet or writing prompts on your palms.

  • If a Zionist pig tells you that Israel is a liberal democracy with laws against the racial degradation and segregation that defines apartheid, just smile beatifically and say, "It's even worse than Apartheid! Did tanks ever roll through Soweto?" Then show them your poster that says "Israel is an Apartheid state." They won't even be able to respond!
  • If some nervy neo-con uses the term "Islamofascist," or any derivation thereof, simply say: "Bush lied, kids died–no blood for oil!" Make sure your "Impeach Bush" socks are visible.
  • If a terrifying Evangelical Israel-lover tells you that the term 'Israeli Apartheid' is often used as code to justify anti-Semitism and terror against Jewish people, just point at your "Israel sucks" T-shirt. No need to say a word.
  • If a crazed Bush-loving imperialist mentions that years ago only Israel had metal detectors and extra security at its airports and embassies, but now just about everyone does because terrorist violence has disrupted civil society, show them your Che bag and say: "Viva la revolucion!" Che was so cool!
  • If a Zionist agent describes the claims of Israeli Apartheid Week as propaganda, malevolent lies, misleading slander, or anything along those lines, simply call them a "racist Islamophobe" and spit on their shoe. Then run!

After all you've done, if your opponent still won't see the light and hop on the bandwagon, then they're emotional or irrational and just can't be reasoned with. So congratulate yourself on making a brave effort, and move on with the rest of the revolutionary herd!

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